Finding common purpose (even at the dinner table)
By: Kate Snyder, APR
Nov 13, 2025
Category: PR strategy
The holidays can be just as polarizing as the state of the world. For many families, politics is a banned topic at the dinner table. In other cases, people have drawn necessary boundaries and celebrate with chosen family rather than force a relationship with people who don’t share their values. There’s no one right way for handling the holidays, and there certainly isn’t a simple one.
But there may be a model we can use to make tough conversations more humane, even over turkey or latkes.
I studied under the brilliant Dr. Alvin B. Tillery, Jr. at Northwestern University. He’s the director of the Center for Diversity and Democracy and professor of political science. He’s also co-founder and CEO of 2040 Strategy Group. Basically, he’s incredible. Through his research, he developed the CREED Model, an organizational leadership model rooted in lessons from the Civil Rights Era.
In the years since learning it, I’ve gone rogue with the model, often applying its principles and pillars to strategic communications, executive counsel, campaigns and so much more in my role at P&G. When there’s a need to change a deeply held attitude, belief or behavior – especially the biases we learn through decades of conditioning, or the beliefs and behaviors that cause harm to others – I turn to the CREED Model.
And whenever I teach the model in a workshop, I hear the same thing: “I need to use this the next time I talk to my family.”
So, let’s do it. Let’s use this proven tool that strengthens organizational teams and comms campaigns to help us have powerful, more meaningful conversations with loved ones.
First, we need a few ground rules.
- Boundaries. If interacting with certain people is harmful to you, or if they don’t respect your rights or humanity, fuck ‘em. It’s ok to just… not. CREED is a model for leadership, not magic. You don’t have to take up the mantle of educating people. Don’t feel guilty if this isn’t for you right now, or ever.
- You are a leader. A lot of people have a hard time internalizing the moniker of leader. Whether it’s imposter syndrome, how you were taught to see yourself, or a myriad of complicated biopsychosocial factors, it can feel weird to just be like, “I’m a leader.” But you are. And you need to be to effect change.
- Leadership is hard. And we can do hard things. As Dr. Tillery puts it, “There is no challenge within your organization that is as difficult to crack as it was to overturn America’s racial and gendered dictatorship in the 1950s and 1960s.” Find your favorite definition of courageous leadership. Live it. Learn it. Say it. You’re a leader.
We good? Great. Here it is. The CREED Model, and how to bring the lessons it teaches to your table this holiday season.
The CREED Model goes in the same order and includes ALL the steps each time. Remember this. If you skip around, you won’t be as effective. As I’ve applied the CREED Model to communications specifically, rather than its organizational change focus, I’ve also diverged from its original focus on diversity. Yet I’ve still seen it work. Time and time again it’s worked in changing harmful attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors ranging from vaccine hesitancy to perceptions of the unhoused.
C – Common Purpose. Common purpose has to be the first pillar of conversation. If you can’t agree on purpose, this isn’t a conversation to attempt at the dinner table. But a common purpose doesn’t have to be complicated. No child should starve. We don’t want people to die of accidental overdoses. We want to feel safe going about our daily lives. Agree to agree.
R – Research. If you KNOW your aunt is going to pop off about pronouns, and you want to have a real, meaningful conversation about it, do your research. Research alone doesn’t change hearts and minds. Research, as a part of the CREED Model, is a key component that allows you to reinforce WHY you believe what you do. It roots the dialogue in reality.
The Es – Equanimity and Empathy. As Dr. Tillery explains, within organizations “building a Diversity Creed requires conversations where everyone – even your opponents – believe that their voice has equal value.” This is the hardest part of the CREED Model for me. My black and white thinking makes it hard for me to overcome my visceral reactions to what I believe is fair and just. Dr. Tillery recommends in these conversations that we allow skeptics and opponents to speak first; then share (or disarm them with) the research findings. And he says it’s important to restate your common purpose – like, we should treat each other with respect – then ask skeptics to propose solutions.
When it comes to empathy, it’s not only showing it – it’s building an environment and conditions where others can feel and show empathy. You’re not going to bust out giant post-its and a whiteboard for a team-building activity at Thanksgiving. But you can show vulnerability and help explain how and why you and others are affected by harmful stereotypes or policies, and you can listen to understand why other people feel like it affects them.
D – Deliverables. In an organizational setting, deliverables leading to outcomes are a must. At brunch, a deliverable could be about agreeing to both read an article. It could be scheduling a time to continue the conversation down the road. It could be getting them a subscription to Ground News for Christmas (I’m only sort of joking). Whatever it is, it’s about setting the intention to do something concrete, and then following through.
Holidays are complicated. People are complicated. Families are complicated. Beliefs are complicated. Many of us fight on a systems and policy level to reduce disparities and continue toward a more just, equitable society.
At the heart of social impact work is a simple belief: people matter. A single conversation matters. You matter. The person across from you matters. Whether you’re changing systems or just trying to change the tone at the table, leading with common purpose and empathy is a good place to start.
